Will you Accept this Rose?

Drew tells me guys like big butts, and that mine is nothing. I purchased a padded butt at GenX, for a ratchet birthday party at some trashy clubs. I had gold hoop earings and the entire thing, I looked amazing. But that is not the point. 

The point is I own a padded butt. Drew thinks I should wear it all the time, that it is a great improvemnet. Drew also likes big sassy black laddies so it is hard to take his advice. 

But yesterday was an occation to bring out the butt. 

I tried out to be on the Bachelor. There is an enitre fleet of people at the office who love the show, I’ve been to girl parties to watch it, I’ve laughed heated conversations about who is the better suiter. So about 5ish months ago the idea got planted that I need to get on the show. We discussed boob job appointments, how to cry without looking ugly, what my angle would be, 

So when the casting call announced that they were talking a stop in Salt Lake City, I knew this was the time to shine. 

It snuck up on me, so there was no time to get the boob job, I text my hair gal the day before and she didn't have any openings. Crap. I guess my charisma would be the thing that I flaunt!


I showed up to work and the Client Success girls helped me get ready, and were NOT impressed with my high heel selection. I did a fashion show for the finance team and then my padded butt and I were off!

I got to trolly square and the parking was shockingly easy. As I walked around I thought, is this right? did I miss something? But was reassured when I found a sign.

I entered a building to find a large, mostly empty room with about 30 girls in it. Everyone all did up under layers and layers of the cutest makeup! On a stage was Michelle Money giving advice to all.
"I'm going to tell you right now. . . Producers HATE gum!"

I swallow my gum.

Then the DJ gets on the mic "I'm going to be your DJ for the evening! Pumping out your requests!!"
All the girls were filling out their applications, I already had mine, I spell checked it and everything 'Um, is there any man that you have that would appreciate organization and preparedness???! I'm right here!' So I was shown over to a spot to take my picture holding my name on a white board like a criminal's mug shot. Then I sat down and while I sat I knew I had to talk to Michelle Money, it was too good not to talk to her.

She was happy to talk, I asked if I could get a picture (the girls at the office and I had a group text going and I had to report second by second what was going on)

Michelle had to get the lighting right, and she wanted to take the picture, it was so great. Our pic looks TOTS cute.

Then I sat back down just in time for a frumpy lady to come over and say "Ok, we'll take you six" and there we all went off to our destiny in our heels down this long marble hall way. You could barely talk over all of our shoes. We got to a big room that had been sectioned off into little rooms with tall black curtains.
I was directed to the curtain room on the far right where I got a mic clipped on me and sat for a video interview.
"Tell me about yourself"
"Tell me about your past relationship"
"What are your hobbies?"

I found myself nervous talking, to the point that I had forgot the questions. Talking about things that were stupid and didn't really relate to their questions, as I was talking I knew I was being stupid, but I'm sure they found it nothing less then adorable.

Then the lady behind the camera says "Ok. . . . now I'm just going to get a full body shot" and she starts to scoot the camera back. Well if things weren't all ready bad I made them bad, I asked "Oh! wellllll, how does my full body look??" She didn't really respond and asks "Can you stand up?"
Ah Hell, ok. So I stand, but don't know how to stand to show off the 'full body' so I start squirming about striking different poses, over the shoulder, messing with my hair, then I went to show off the butt, without looking like I was showing off the butt. But it was like she was focusing the camera or something I was getting no feed back and it felt like she was taking forever, so the posing started to get weird. I remember at one point I was crouched down with two pop-eye arms (Tight fists arms away from body at 90 degree angles) It was weird, I know it was, I can see that now.
Then she says "You can just stand still"
"Oh, yeah, yeah, cool"

. . . . and that was it, with a "Thanks McKay! it was good to meet you!" I was walking out.
A weird older lady with way too much eye shadow on gave me a weird goodie bag as I walked out the door.
And I asked her "So, did I get a rose??"
And she said "They will contact you if they are interested"

20 min, in and out and my life will be forever changed. So I'm real excited, I've been keeping my phone charged and close. I think I'm on the path to love!!!! I've messed up everything else, maybe I just need a TV reality show, with the entire world watching to help me make the RIGHT choice, ya know? I just can't be left to my own choice, it had proven to be nothing but heart ache.