'Take me as I am"

My iphone shattered yesterday, fell from a foot on to the pavement and the entire face is shattered, it was interesting to me how when picking up the phone and seeing the damage I had no feeling towards it. In my mind i just started planning in time to go to the apple store to get it fixed.


It rained today, we have needed the rain, but I felt like I needed the rain too.
It, among with other things set me in a very contemplative mood today, thinking about who I am, what I have to offer to others, to my family, to my friends to a lover, to the world as a whole.

And I think that is what lead up to my Apple store experience being so dramatic today.

I went in, I had to make an appointment at the genius bar, I know a good handful of employees that work there because they all come for lunch at Thaifoon.

I was being chipper, I was making jokes about my phone breaking, about Thaifoon. . and it took quite a while to get the new phone lined up, transfer all my information, and what not.

Well the entire time, I hadn't noticed be there was a man, not an employee, just some guy waiting at the store, and he had been watching me, and eavesdropping on my conversations with the employees.

When his time for waiting was over, he had to walk up to the counter to pick up his computer and he leaned over to me and said without ANY previous conversation. . "You are a weird girl"

And the tone, the tone was not a nice tone, the tone was judgmental, and rude.
A tone that I had no idea what to say back, I had not even given him much thought until that point. A tone that made the apple employees confused as to how to console me after a harsh comment.

I said nothing, he said nothing more, and left.

It normally doesn't phase me, people who don't know me, talking about something that they don't know.
But today, it was different, that he had been there, sitting, for maybe 20 minutes or so, observing me with my crimped hair, and my small talk with the apple people.
 . . . and it made me really self conscious.

Especially with the rain, with my already contemplative mood, with other things that had happened at the beginning of the day.

And I have no follow up to this story. It just was a real crappy moment for me. That I let a stranger take over my life.



Sometimes I like to play cool beans.

Sometimes I don't care about if my socks match, or if my phone shatters, or if I'm running my car with the needle of the gas gauge below the 'E'

But, I am driven by emotion, I love the city streets at night because I feel as if there is music in the air and it lifts my soul, I listen to songs like 'Love is the Cure' by King Charles and read poetry because I feel like it connects me to this perfect romantic world that I feel like at times I live in. I have irrashional thoughts all the time about leaving everything behind and living out my days as a hippie, or find a European man with long flowing hair to whisk me away to Austria.

And days like today I remember how vulnerable I can be, how I'm not at all cool beans but maybe a bit crazy. And in that, the stranger wins, I feel weird. . .  and small. 

What a jerk.