Christian Bale Diet

I don’t know how it happened yesterday, but on one of Ryan and I’s rants we got on the topic of Christian Bale in the Movie “The Machinist” He has made his weight fluctuate tremendously over the past years for the different rolls he has played. Ryan, my crazed co-worker and I were fascinated with his transformation. He said he becomes obsessed with his ability to control his body. Loosing 63 pounds in a matter of months. He ate an apple and a can of tuna (and lots of coffee and cigarettes) every day for 4 months. 

Holly hell! Four months?? Then bulked back up a year later.

Ryan, being a bit of a nut dove into talk bout the science of it all. That the apple and the tuna are food that will boost your metabolism and keep up your protein, that way you don’t loose your muscle. 

Me- “How sure are you about all of this?”

Ryan- “One HUNDRED percent”

So that was it, Ryan and I are going on the Christan Bail Diet. Upon reading up on Christian bale we have discovered that he is a real jerk, we think this may be due to his diet yet still feel committed. 

Ryan and I have added some slight modifications. Each food choice was carefully selected after much debate and focus. 

Ryan’s daily diet will consist of one up of yogurt, an apple, a can of tuna, a green drink and all the coffee he wants. 

My diet will be  one cup of yogurt, an apple, a can of tuna, and two eggs with all the tea I want. 

Our exercise will not be cut short and is actually encouraged to increase, yet this is not part of the diet. 

Ryan thinks he can commit to two weeks. I will commit for 5 days and then reevaluate. (I don’t have a lot to loose here!)

We had co-worker Kristen take a before picture to document the process. Ryan thought the picture was pointless with us still wearing our clothes, I thought taking off our clothes at the office wouldn’t be socially acceptable:

(Kristen does not think this is healthy, co-worker James agrees. But since when do Americans care about healthy? in comparison this may be the healthiest thing I’ve ever done.)

This blog post will be written over a period of 5 days. Documenting what is is like to control your body, only give it the fuel it needs to skim by. In a chance to prove how strong our minds are, and have a glimpse of what celebrity life is really like. 

(Also this co-insides with a personal New Year's Resolution to eat out less then 4 times a week. It's a win, win)

Day One

10:30am Committing myself to Christian Bail diet after my morning oatmeal and honey. I’ll start at lunch today with one of the office apples. Feeling a bit nervous about the road ahead. 

I think I will leave at lunch to buy some cans of tuna, or maybe I will right after work, either way, I need to get tuna. 

10:49 Ryan just stopped by my desk, he is all hyped up on energy and I don’t know where it is coming from. He said he is brinking on obsession. I think he has had too much coffee. 

!0:56 Ryan stopped by my desk again with these two statements "I’m not going to lie, I’m a little bit hungry, I’m looking forward to that apple for lunch."

  "I’m directing my obsession in the right direction.” 

10:58 I break out some Mormon doctrine to Ryan and talk about how the Natural man is an emery to God. Ryan agrees and relates with a story of a body builder from Compton. 

Live chat stream at lunch time. (I got four invites to go to lunch, I’ve turned them all down)

3:30- Sales guys find an old yogurt expiring in April of 2015, we all pool our money together and pay James 40$ to eat it, he loathes yogurt and fruit, the combination kill him and he vomits in the trash as we all laugh. I feel bad for James but it in no way is making food look inciting. I'm truly blessed.

9:36 pm- I went and bought tuna and eggs after work, went to the gym and had plenty of energy. I got a text from Ryan that he went skiing after work and he seemed to be struggling, comparing himself to the homeless, but he choose not to eat his tuna before skiing and I think that was a huge mistake.
You live and learn. I'm going to bed happy knowing that I am in charge here.
Day one: Success

Day two:

It’s 2:27 and work is now beginning to slow down. 

OR is in town and we have had clients in and out of the office all day. I did a full spread for breakfast and then catered two lunches. 

Being around food all day and not being able to eat it. This is a bad idea. 

My body just needs to grow accustom to this little amount of food. 

I want my eggs and tuna so bad right now, the yogurt and apple were not enough. 

10:23pm. . . I have no energy to write this, I’m just happy I have nothing left to do today but lay in my bed. 

I went to the movie theater tonight, they did a special viewing of Sherlock Homes. The 4th season of the BBC Benedict Cumberbatch just premiered and they opened a theater at the Gateway to view it. To watch it on a big screen was amazing. But to be in a theater without popcorn, surrounded by popcorn was amazingly hard. I think popcorn is my favorite food. 

In the middle of the show I remembered I made some cookie dough at my Parents house on Sunday and I left the leftovers there, in this split second of remembering it I was so hungry for cookie dough and had to remind myself I was not eating it, and to stop thinking of food and enjoy the show. 

Day Three:

I carried crap into work from my car and it felt like I was climbing Everest. I didn’t get time to eat until 10:30 and it was really hard. 

It is now 2:41 and I surprisingly feel really great. Ryan claims he has lost ten pounds. 

7:30 I hate my life, after work Drew and I did our usual DI run and I was very unmotivated we went to smith’s after to arrange a Birthday cake for a friend and it was hard to stream together a thought. I got home and had no desire to do anything, I smashed my hard boiled egg in my pack of tuna and ate it in my room. 

All I can think about is food. 

Day four:

I woke up at 4:30, feeling refreshed and wanting to go to the gym. But I decided to lay there and analyze my dreams.  babies, trucks without back wheels, giving the leather needles to a long lost friend, hippies, being rude to hippies, the realization that I want kids, snowmobiles, dogs that are shedding beautiful blankets of fur, motorcycles. Crazy crap.

I forced myself to go back to sleep at 5:30 and then woke up at 7:30 feeling groggy. 

Ate my yogurt, then my apple at lunch and couldn’t take it any longer. I couldn't run the stairs at work without getting lightheaded, I would get distracted so easily by just the smell of food. I felt so empty physically and now emotionally.

This is not human!! I don’t know how Christian did it. 

Co-worker Dan came to my desk, he started to talk about what your body does when it goes into starvation mode. I’m not advertising to the office that I’m doing the Christian Bale diet, but Dan knew. And in my crazy stupor it all make sense. 

That was it. 

I walked with Ryan over to Spitz and we got some sweet potato fries. 

I’m done. I could never be a celebrity. I don’t know how he does it, maybe with expensive bits of crack Cocaine. Maybe smoking would help. I'll try it again when I have more money to toss on glamorous drugs. 

Ryan concluded that "There is no way to fix the fat gross America. " and that was about all he had to say.
We both have turned into idiots, so in the moment of him proclaiming this dumb realization I found it to be the smartest thing I had heard all day. "Yeah! There is NO HOPE for fat America!!"

Stupid.
The funny thing is though, is that I came home form work and grabbed a pack of tuna to eat.
-You would think I would be sick of it. . . I'm not, I think I have a huge appreciation for hard boiled eggs now too. They are so good.

Anywho, I thought this would become the new "Atkins" or "Gluten Free" then Ryan and I would write a book and make millions, but it's not going to happen. I wasn't made to make millions anyway. It's not for me. So in a way, I'm very lucky.