How fickle my heart, and how woozy my eyes.

I don't talk about my dating life on this blog. Ever. Even if I've been singing and ecstatic about the the cute boy I'm hanging around with, and he is all I can think about. I've defiantly hinted, and pictures have implied that I'm loving on someone. . But it is just too sticky to put on a blog, you never know what the end will be, and then I'd have explaining to do. And how creepy would that be if he found that I was posting all my thoughts and feelings for the world. Creepy? Flattering? eh?

Oh, the burdens of having a popular blog!

So I'm going to break my own rule and just say this-
I just broke things off with a guy. He had really big arms and fit every meaning of the word 'charming'.
And things are too fresh to be giving out details, my mind is still in the phase of self-pity and anger to the love-less world around me. So anything I would say would be laced with regret and stupidity when I look back on it next week.

But in a very small way I am grateful for the times in my life where I am heart-broken. For a few reasons,
One- I don't really eat, so when I do feel better I'm usually a pound or two lighter and that rocks.
Two- I can cry at the drop of a hat, and I'll find a place to be alone, usually on a drive with Rav, and just let it out, force it out,  to the point where you would think that I was crying because my entire family just got murdered. Sometimes it is so good to historically ball, I love it and a good cry doesn't happen too often for me.
Three- I tend to take a close look at myself. I am a confident person, for the most part I'm very happy about who I am, what I'm doing with my life, the way I look, the jokes I tell. But when love doesn't work I rip myself apart as to why. Why? What could he possibly not LOVE about ME?! -And to forces me to tear apart everything about me, from the way I treat my family to the way I wear my hair. 98% of the time I conclude that he was a fool for letting me go, but I always find something I want to do better, read my scriptures more then I pretend that I do, or throw away that old hoodie with the holes in the armpits that I still think makes me look cool.
Four- All the pop songs come to life, music rocks when your heart is broken.
Five- When things start looking up again I remember how good I have it, I have been able to date some stellar guys, I could blow all your dating stories out of the water. I feel like I have a small handle on what it is to love someone, and I really have learned so much from dating. Kids don't need school! Let's just get them dating sooner! And in a weird way I feel like I am spiritually stronger because of the things I have been through. I don't know what I will be like as a mother, but I can tell you that when things work out one day that I will get to be a wife, I will rock at it. ROCK! That boy won't even know what has hit him, he will be so lucky.

So last night it was late, and I grabbed some good music and went on a walk, it took me about 4 minuets to reach temple square, I was the only one there, it was super creepy and magical at the same time. I laid down  on the sidewalk looking at the temple listening to some Weezer (is Weezer aloud on temple grounds?) The city was amazing late at night and once again I'm happy with the life I lead. And while it does suck that this year I can't do a couple's costume of for Halloween, and it sucks even more to find this morning, that it has been less then a week and his new facebook status reads that he is "in a relationship" with a big boobed girl with a massive chin and beady eyes. I'll be ok, life will go on, and I will continue to date and put my heart out there, because as much as much as I am beginning to HATE dating, you gotta to keep doing it to get out of it. Catch 22. (Right? did I use that right? catch 22?)
Stupid boys. Never Give up! Never Surrender!