Thursday, July 28, 2016


You believe that creating your best possible life is a matter of deciding what you want and then going after it, but in reality, you are psychologically incapable of being able to predict what will make you happy. 

I read that line in an article this morning as I sat in my office chair at 7:30am trying to get a head start on a tough day, and it hit my heart with an element of truth. I live a happy life, I think it is just the way I am programed, I love every stupid thing. But it really is hard to shape a life in the way you thought it would turn out when you were a child, day dreaming about one day driving a car, or getting married, or whatever it is that one thinks about. The things religion or society teaches us, as a blanket statement, a check list of things that will make you happy. Money, Love, Family. And as my life molds more and more into something I didn't think it would become, it is almost comical that it still catches me by surprise.

It's Drew's last day at Experticity. We are headed out to breakfast to say goodbye in a bit. It caught him by surprise and has left him quite sad. That, among other things have sent me for a mini world wind. I wish I had more of the ability to roll with the punches and not get so emotionally attached to people, to events, to ideas and plans. But it is a bit of a catch 22 because it is also one of the things I love about myself, not living a flat lined life. Living a life bursting in color and high emotion.

I think about the sad day when we closed Macaroni Grill, all my little servers and cooks that I had trained and worked with and yelled at, and fell in love with, standing there very solemn with big tears in their eyes, not knowing what life would give them next and feeling hopeless. I thought I would be there forever, we all kind of did. But now Experticty has and been such a good thing for me, and as I hear stories about what happened to all those employees, we are fine. Most of us are in a bester position then we were before. So I can't help thinking the idea that change is good. Drew and life, they have the same hunger, the same sucker-punch. In the end neither him nor I can predict the life that will made either of us happy.

But I will miss him terribly, with every ounce of me.

Monday, July 25, 2016

The Red Boot Leader

I've been listening to a lot of Enrique, and playing a lot of Pokemon this weekend. I spent 3 hours by myself in the city hunting Pokemon. I packed a dinner, and walked up a storm.

That sounds really geeky, and I really don't even care. Walking around the city after the heat of the day is beginning to die is a pure delight, and it sure beats the my normal alone activities of netflix with my pants off. I talked to a few people here and there, some young guys giving me tips on throwing my poke balls for a better catch, or where I can go to get a (I forgot the name, it was something cool). I still am so weirded out by this game, weirded out by technology and GPS and clouds and whatever. But really it was great to put in some music and walk, and then lay on the grass and have nothing to do but get up and wonder around again. All over memory grove, the mall, the square, the library and I even made it clear out to the commentary. Cleared my mind, then filled it with new worries, then cleared it again. According to my Pokemon eggs I walked over 15k, that's kinda nuts.

Friday night I went out with some girls from work, they ditched their husbands and kids and I ditched Pokemon and we all went to the Westerner. RaVoe told me later that The Westerner has been there forever, and my Grandpa use to dance there. . What?
I forgot how great I am at Country two-step, at one point I was perfectly upside-down with the only thought in my head being "Point your toes!" I was whipped and dipped and twirled and just found myself screaming most of the night. The guys there are a little grubby, a little drunk, but have moves like evil jungle cats. And hell if my heart doesn't skip a beat when they use that cowboy charm and treat a lady right. It really was such a great time, I can't stop thinking about it. We were the cutest girls there and guys were lining up to buy us drinks.

At the end of the night, when we were regretting the the poor shoe selections we had made and our hair could hide no more sweat, a jumpy little black man appeared on the dance floor. You could tell he knew how to dance, but country was out of his vocabulary. But he gave it his all moving so fast around the dance floor filling up any free space with his energy. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him it was so comical. He seemed to be only 5 feet tall, but his afro added another 4 inches, his arms in full motion, and his face so incredibly happy. It was the cherry on top of such a weird evening. I tried to jump in, we all did. But no one could hold a candle to him.

At one point a guy who had a sweaty slip-n-slide back from the nights adventures said to me "You seem like someone who has to dance to get out energy" and I just looked at him and said "You have no idea"

So I'm all reset! I got my pokemon/alone time and then my energy out on the dance floor! It's like I'm an entire new women, and I still have one weekend day left. Hot Damn!

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Hey Moon!

I am constantly curious when I see people who smoke. Why? After all we know about smoking, they still choose to light up.
But at night when you are driving behind someone and they flick their cigarette bud out the window and the ambers crash against the pavement and dance across the road, I love that. I don't know why.

Maybe that is why they smoke, to throw that out the window is just as satisfying as watching it from the car behind.

Last night, that happened to me as I made my way down the canyon, I had the windows down and this warm summer air was swirling all around me, spotify premium is the best thing to happen to me and with my 'Guilty pleasure' playlist I was screaming loud to Jessie McCartny. The full moon was last night and I somehow always find myself under it. Just me and the Moon swimming in that beautiful mountain summer air, racing down the canyon.

God bless Utah Summer nights, they will always hold so much magic.

Unrelated picture, but it has been blowing my mind and I wanted to save it on my blog.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Will you Accept this Rose?

Drew tells me guys like big butts, and that mine is nothing. I purchased a padded butt at GenX, for a ratchet birthday party at some trashy clubs. I had gold hoop earings and the entire thing, I looked amazing. But that is not the point. 
The point is I own a padded butt. Drew thinks I should wear it all the time, that it is a great improvemnet. Drew also likes big sassy black laddies so it is hard to take his advice. 

But yesterday was an occation to bring out the butt. 

I tried out to be on the Bachelor. There is an enitre fleet of people at the office who love the show, I’ve been to girl parties to watch it, I’ve laughed heated conversations about who is the better suiter. So about 5ish months ago the idea got planted that I need to get on the show. We discussed boob job appointments, how to cry without looking ugly, what my angle would be, 

So when the casting call announced that they were talking a stop in Salt Lake City, I knew this was the time to shine. 
It snuck up on me, so there was no time to get the boob job, I text my hair gal the day before and she didn't have any openings. Crap. I guess my charisma would be the thing that I flaunt!

I showed up to work and the Client Success girls helped me get ready, and were NOT impressed with my high heel selection. I did a fashion show for the finance team and then my padded butt and I were off!

I got to trolly square and the parking was shockingly easy. As I walked around I thought, is this right? did I miss something? But was reassured when I found a sign.

I entered a building to find a large, mostly empty room with about 30 girls in it. Everyone all did up under layers and layers of the cutest makeup! On a stage was Michelle Money giving advice to all.
"I'm going to tell you right now. . . Producers HATE gum!"

I swallow my gum.

Then the DJ gets on the mic "I'm going to be your DJ for the evening! Pumping out your requests!!"
All the girls were filling out their applications, I already had mine, I spell checked it and everything 'Um, is there any man that you have that would appreciate organization and preparedness???! I'm right here!' So I was shown over to a spot to take my picture holding my name on a white board like a criminal's mug shot. Then I sat down and while I sat I knew I had to talk to Michelle Money, it was too good not to talk to her.

She was happy to talk, I asked if I could get a picture (the girls at the office and I had a group text going and I had to report second by second what was going on)

Michelle had to get the lighting right, and she wanted to take the picture, it was so great. Our pic looks TOTS cute.

Then I sat back down just in time for a frumpy lady to come over and say "Ok, we'll take you six" and there we all went off to our destiny in our heels down this long marble hall way. You could barely talk over all of our shoes. We got to a big room that had been sectioned off into little rooms with tall black curtains.
I was directed to the curtain room on the far right where I got a mic clipped on me and sat for a video interview.
"Tell me about yourself"
"Tell me about your past relationship"
"What are your hobbies?"

I found myself nervous talking, to the point that I had forgot the questions. Talking about things that were stupid and didn't really relate to their questions, as I was talking I knew I was being stupid, but I'm sure they found it nothing less then adorable.

Then the lady behind the camera says "Ok. . . . now I'm just going to get a full body shot" and she starts to scoot the camera back. Well if things weren't all ready bad I made them bad, I asked "Oh! wellllll, how does my full body look??" She didn't really respond and asks "Can you stand up?"
Ah Hell, ok. So I stand, but don't know how to stand to show off the 'full body' so I start squirming about striking different poses, over the shoulder, messing with my hair, then I went to show off the butt, without looking like I was showing off the butt. But it was like she was focusing the camera or something I was getting no feed back and it felt like she was taking forever, so the posing started to get weird. I remember at one point I was crouched down with two pop-eye arms (Tight fists arms away from body at 90 degree angles) It was weird, I know it was, I can see that now.
Then she says "You can just stand still"
"Oh, yeah, yeah, cool"

. . . . and that was it, with a "Thanks McKay! it was good to meet you!" I was walking out.
A weird older lady with way too much eye shadow on gave me a weird goodie bag as I walked out the door.
And I asked her "So, did I get a rose??"
And she said "They will contact you if they are interested"

20 min, in and out and my life will be forever changed. So I'm real excited, I've been keeping my phone charged and close. I think I'm on the path to love!!!! I've messed up everything else, maybe I just need a TV reality show, with the entire world watching to help me make the RIGHT choice, ya know? I just can't be left to my own choice, it had proven to be nothing but heart ache.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Cheers To The Governor!

The entire 4th of July weekend I only took one photo (Apart from weird firework pictures that didn’t quite turn out, and the one photo I took with a film camera)

It was of my food, I remember being really happy to eat it, and I think that is why I pulled out my phone. 
A cold cucumber soup from the food trucks, and for a hot July day it was delightful.

I went to Bend Oregon where 15 friends rented a house. I’ve never been to Bend before and was surprised to see it more desert-y then one would imagine Oregon to be, dry with big tall evergreens. Every house is charming as hell and they have a fun little downtown with these breweries and mountains that had names and stories. But the best part of that place is the river. This large slow moving river that cuts the downtown in half, and on the 4th of July weekend everyone, EVERYONE floats it. It turns into the friendliest game of bumper cars, everyone meshed together moving along with the ducks. The bottom of the river is 4 inches of beautiful mud and grass that your toes get lost in. And if you weren’t on the river you were hanging off a bridge over the river, dropping beer to your friends. It was alive and wild, our group had a raft that we called the living room, it fit 10 people on one tube it was incredible and scary at the same time when we all in a cluster had to fit under the a low bridge.
As the river turned to enter the down town all along the shoreline were houses that were filled with so much beauty. Little paths that would bring you to a deck right on the water, sitting areas in grassy nulls, outdoorbeds in gazebos, homes with big widows that lookout to the lake, each home a different shape and color and packed full of money. It was delightful, there is nothing better then floating a river in July, and I can’t think of a river more beautiful then the Deschutes. 

Then it was food and more food and games and fireworks, every year the hill in Bend catches fire and this year was no different, in two spots it lit up with massive flames from the low fireworks. God Bless America. 

Other highlights include-

-not knowing if I was a child or an adult
-after dementrating some sick soccer skills in the park, I got asked if I played soccer in High school, I had fooled them all
-necks that smell like hotdogs. 
-Breakfast sandwiches 
-5 hour potao salad
-"Stand up straight, suck it in!!"
-The taylor swift swan
-Food trucks in the middle of nowhere Ontario
-PTSD (What the shit?)
-Flat tire

I have been told that pictures would get back around to me, but who knows if they will, and who knows if this weekend actually happened? I have no proof that it did. Maybe it was all a really great dream. 

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Camping at the Salt Flats

You aren't allowed to camp at the salt flats, but if you drive out far enough, no one will know.
The sky out there is different, the light is amazing.

Freaken love my lil tent.

Monday, July 11, 2016


I won't go off about how insane this craze is, because I'm sure everyone has gotten an earful.

But after listening to Sam comically describe the chaos that is going on in Provo I downloaded it.

Then we went on a walk to catch them as a family. I can't remember the last walk we took as a family. Collecting golf balls in the gully.

Then Sam, Jessie, Calry, Deric, Candice, Danny and myself went to the park to set up 2 lures. And then one by one people started to show up. I say people and not kids because there was grown men and women there too. I kid you not we sat there until there was at least 50 of us on the lawn.
So nuts, everyone talking about the game.

Sam and I went on a drive after that, up the canyon, and into Alpine catching everything in sight.

When I got back to the city I couldn't go straight home I found 4 lours set up by the bars on 2nd south, so I pulled over my car and there was maybe 100 people (at 1:00 AM) standing along the street playing.

People who I never would have guessed would be playing.

It is the weariest thing to me. Look at all of us out there playing, this is the best thing that ever happened to geeks.

In the words of Whintey "This game has done more for children's health then Michelle Obama has done in 8 years!!"

PS.I work at a hot spot, life is good, and me and Jon are going to lunch together at Market Street because they have a gym there. It is out of control!

Wednesday, July 6, 2016


I am so thrilled about this new little toy, I can't even tell you. . . 

I know, I know, I gotta stop buying toys. But Dyson is now with Experticity and I actually got a wicked good deal on this thing. So don't worry about it. 
I came home today, put in my headphones, cleaned my garage, did the dishes, finally made a protesting stand towards the new roommate by taking all of her canned goods out of the fridge. (Why does she do that?) Then carefully unwrapped my Dyson, smelling all the plastic and reading all the fun facts. Then I had a little vacuum party, I was just like Mrs Doubtfire dancing about. Then I ended by fluffing up the pillows and watered my plants. 

I live in such a happy place, I wish I could call it my own, I wish the kitchen didn't get dirty when I was away, I wish only me and my honored guests were the ones I cleaned up after. But apart from that, I'm so content. Brenda muffles out of her room as I'm almost done and runs her mouth like I'm the first human she has seen in years. We figure we hadn't seen each other in about 3 weeks so I guess her rambling was merited. She is such a sweetheart. I'm constantly in an internal battle with her because I know she needs a friend and I brainstorm all these things we could do together, but then the other part of me really has no time. I have to VACUME BRENDA! I can't be talking to you all day!!

I'm such an adult, being all excited about a vacuum, and taking pride in decorating a funky little space. Here is a blurry picture for ya, didn't realize it was blurry until I blew it up on my computer and at this point my pants are off and i'm in bed by the AC unit, I'm not taking another one. 
This place really does feel like home. . 

Friday, June 24, 2016


I got drug into a 48 hour film project, it didn't register to me until the week of how much time that really was.

From 7:00 on Friday night to 7:00 on Sunday night, I was making a movie.
And that is all I did with my weekend. I was stressed because I just wanted time to do laundry, and as much as I brainstormed I didn't know if I would get that chance.

7:00 Friday- Our team of 6 met at the broadway theater, where we drew out of a hat a genre.

Fish Out of Water or Sci-fi

Then all the teams together got a prop: A bar of soap
A Charitor: Uncle Daryl
and a Line: "I canceled my plans for this"

And then we were off, free as the wild west wind to create a film. We set up home base at our office, and that is were we sat until about 1am that night to brain storm, settle on ideas and then start a storyboard. There was lots of laughs and lots of alcholhol that only made our ideas crazier. It was a long eccentric night.

The next morning we met bright and early at the Royal Eattery for breakfast then it was on to unload camera equipment from the car, get to hair and makeup and start shooting.

 (I love the Royal Eatery, I need to do a post entirely of this place)

Shooting ended at 11, then it was to the bar to celebrate, then the dance floor to get some energy out then back to our conference room to sit and eternally edit.

We didn't leave this room for almost 11 hours. .

But we did it, we produced a kinda cool little movie in 48 hours.
This is a picture of the heart of the crew right after we turned it in. . it was a long weekend. I love these faces so much. .

Then we got to join all the other film makers at the broadway to view the films.  They rolled out the red carpet, had popcorn flowing and we watched it all on the big screen. . . it was a bit nerve wrecking and wonderful. We had a good crew from work who came out to the theater to support (Or have a reason to get drunk and hangout) it was great. I felt just like Rachel McAdams. Loved and adored. I don't want to do it again any time soon, but so glad I did it.

(I'll put the link to the movie here soon, check back)

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Saturday, June 18, 2016

An Aristocrat

If you were to come to me and say-
"McKay, I am a generous soul who recently became abundantly rich in the oil business, and I love you. I love you so much I want to buy you any car, any car your heart would want. Money is no issue for me, I want you give you the world!"

I would be so flattered and humbled and then tell you that the car I want is an old retro VW Cabriolet. 
I would tell you how I have wanted one for years, how I have an entire pintrest board dedicated to them, and I know that is where my only true happiness lies.

That is not a lie, I would take it over any fancy fast car, there is something about them, I love the retro vibe, the  timeless boxy lines. I love that bar through the middle, imagining my passengers using it to hold onto as they stand up and let the air fill their hair as they hollar at gentleman callers who are wanting us to stop. 

I always have my eye open, but last Thursday I found one as I was pulling out of the bank, and my heart almost leaped out of my chest. 
I took a picture of the for sale sign on the side of it and when I got to work I called on it. . . 

1988- Karman Edition, Volkswagon Cabriolet.
She belonged to a lady who had a second home in Sunvalley, and used her as her second car in the second home. 
Original paint, original upholstery, with only 87,000 miles on her.

Are you kidding me?

So after swindling deals, making prank phone calls, test ride, and loosing sleep, she is all mine. 

I have a garage, where she will sit and be my posh little second car. 

As I drove away I found myself at a stop sign in the avenues with large trees hanging over me, and crossing the intersection was some mussel head who was in a mustang, he had put a crazy lift on it and it appeared to match his personality perfectly. We made eye contact and I wonder if he was thinking the same thing about me. Matches me perfectly. I found myself wishing for a world where everyone drove their dream car, how wonderful that would be. 

I'm driving my dream. It makes me want to burst into a thousand pieces and blow away in the wind. 

As I parked it outside my place, a dog walker was passing by and said "I love your car"
And I yelled back "thank you! I just bought it like 10 minutes ago! I love it!"

And so it starts, I will have to take time to talk to everyone about my car. I guess this is the life I signed up for. 

As the guy counted my cash then handed over my keys he said "You should join the antique VW club of Salt Lake" And I thought "Hell yes. I should" 

So I live in a city with two cars and a motorcycle. I realize it is nuts, but I almost don't care. I'm an aristocrat now with multiple cars. The world is my playground. 

More pictures (And blog posts, I'm sure) to come. . this is just me two hours after buying it not knowing what to do, so I thought I would blog about it. 

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