Wednesday, January 27, 2016

My boys.

Late last night I got a late night text with this picture:


Some of our sales guys are in Germany, it’s the first time we have traveled over seas for a trade show, they were all so excited to go. I was helping them plan their trip. Sometimes I love my job so much I could burst. I care way too much about the people who work here and I feel like a proud parent when they are successful. 

Last week the sales guys broke a window and I felt like they immediately resorted to acting like little children with how they handled the entire thing. Calling me over to look at it, placing blame on each other, at one point I stood looking at the window and the entire sales group was gathered around solemnly to watch me look at it and answer my questions. Made them promise to be careful before I called Maintenance to get it fixed. 

I can’t help but feel like an office mom. So getting a late night text of the sales guys me so happy to know my boys are happy, going a good job, drinking the night away and thinking of me. It’s the little things. 

Monday, January 25, 2016

Max is getting better and better at making Australian meat.
It really was so wonderful, we all agreed it was better then Thanksgiving.

RaVoe cut up some plasic table clothes and then used a roll of paper towels to make the British flag on the table, it was quite clever.


I wish you could smell/taste this. Max really is amazing. . .
Ginger beer, lots of ginger beer. 
Every year we sing Waltzing matilda, I recorded the last bit of it, it makes me so happy to listen close and hear Sam singing in his weird voice, to hear multiple voices singing loud when they don't know the words. And I love RaVoe at the end spontaneously yelling at Max then Andie and I laughing at her enthusiasm.



 As RaVoe walked me out to my car at the end of the night she said "Thanks for coming down and supporting your siblings" and I hadn't even thought of it that way. Max is the coolest guy I know, and surrounded by his friends and my siblings? There is no place I would have rather been.



I don’t like wearing a lot of clothes. I think as I am getting older it is getting worse. 
So when you layer me up, put a “Snow sock” on my head, a mouth guard over my mouth, a helmet, goggles and a backpack I kinda freak out. I feel like a little kid. For the first 10 seconds after the helmet is forced on my head I fight back tears because I hate it so much. 

I had my own sled, and that was a great improvement from last time being on the back sucking in exhaust and not being able to look forward.
But my goggles stated to fog half way into the ride, they were digging into my nose and I was doing the throttle wrong and my grip was shaky. 

I didn’t want to be a baby, I wanted so bad to be hardcore and keep up with the boys. I’m not scared, I really just hate it. I hate ripping through the silence of a winter wonderland with a loud machine that takes all my leg and arm power to control. I’m left feeling like I need to find a bear to hibernate with. 

The cabin was huge, it is fun to daydream of having a big place away from home that everyone in the family, the extended family, can enjoy. There were 26ish of us, and we all had a bed. 

Apart from the cabin there was a separate cabin for Grandma and Grandpa when they come, so they can be away from the chaos. (Not pictured) 
They had a big snow cat for the girls and babies to ride up in. It's insane the toys some people have,  and I'm always grateful when people share it was fun to have a bunch of kids take over that cabin. 
And when the boys weren't riding they are fixing and playing with their sleds. They thrive off of it, they sound like they are speaking Chinese to me, it is all so crazy. They get excited when something goes wrong so they can all stand around and fix it. To an outsider it is pure insanity, they would just call it 'Bonding'


The ride back home I was prepared for, I was prepared to cut my nose again, prepared to feel like I was dead, I was prepared to suffer. I didn’t wear the face sock. Different goggles, different helmet, and we headed out. The snow had piled up and there was a fresh blanket of new fluffy snow, I knew the trail from coming up it before and it was actually a dream. It was the first time I actually enjoyed snowmobiling, it make sense why the boys obsess over it. There were times it felt like I was riding on water ( I guess that isn’t too far off). Adam said he couldn’t keep up with me and was scared I was going as fast as I was. 


I was actually quite thrilled to feel that love that the boys had for it. 

Utah really is quite incredible with the versatility is has to offer, the snowy roads were stunning to drive through. 
I was glad Adam watches out for me. 

Friday, January 22, 2016

Breakfast Run

I told them that 5 would be a squeeze and that 6 would be insanity. But that phased no one. 

6 grown adults in Rav, 4 of them over 6 feet. It makes my heart so happy. 
I still just love my car. 


Thursday, January 21, 2016

Mickey

Wednesday I received a phone call from Blanka, this adorable little Mexican lady that I worked with forever ago at Macaroni Grill.
He accent is so strong and the only words I could make out where “Mickey!” (She calls me Mickey) “Baby Shower” and “Your house"
“Yeah, if you want to have a baby shower at my house that would be fine.”
“Ok, I have my daughter text you the address, to your house on Saturday”
Ohhhhhhhh, YOU want Me to go to YOUR house?. . . Yeah, I haven’t seen you in 2 years, I’ve never met your daughter, but ok, let’s do it.
“OK, yeah, that sounds good"

I received a text later that held a jumbled address. 
And last Saturday I went to a baby shower. 
Showed up at 4:00 right on time, and noticed right away that I had the wrong gift. For some reason I thought it was a baby girl. . Don’t know how that happened. 
But when they opened my little baby slip on Vans shoes that were red with little silver stars everyone reassured me that boys could wear red stars too. (They were so adorable)

The food was amazing, spicy, but amazing. I was caught twice at the table with tears in my eyes because I’m a wuss for spice, and then had to convince everyone that I loved the food. There was all kinds of people there, not limited to just the laddies, husbands and perverted little nephews were there, kids and elderly. Everyone Hispanic, everyone bouncing back and forth from English to Spanish. I sat alone until my table was filled with people all of them quite nice to me, telling me how everyone was related. The entire place was decorated from top to bottom with the “It’s a boy” section at the local dollar store. So tacky, so lame, so endearing. They played games. Stupid, stupid games, but everyone even grandma took a turn putting a lime between her legs walking it across the room and tried to land it in a cup. The same song was seemingly on repeat and was so loud, everyone had to compete to talk. When it was my turn to play the games I would dance as I tried to pin the binky on the baby, or hold a spoon in my mouth balancing an egg. I felt like I was part of the family when the dancing started. They loved me. 



I left after 4 hours, and I felt rude to leave, 4 hours. . . 4hours and the party was still going strong. It was amazing. 
I don’t venture West of the freeway enough.
I can’t wait until I have a baby, I’m inviting all of them to my shower. 

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

The Hope of America

The Powerball is up to 1.5 billion dollars. It is the biggest it has ever been in the history of the lottery.So Drew and I drove to Wyoming after work, bought 45 tickets and drove home. Mentally we have already spent the money. I want to buy a trailer park where each of my friends/family could reside. It would be very colorful and have a Tim Burton, Hick, 70s, American vibe. It will be beautiful. Drew talks about a grand Saloon and making a Spielberg quality movie with all his friends in it. But we both agree that we would throw a grand Moulin Rouge themed party.

We had muscle milk for dinner, and ended up waiting in a 2 hour line at the Chevron gas station along side the craziest group of people. I did Sudoku and Drew learned Spanish. We talked to strangers about how we would spend the money, and played with all the candy/crap on the shelves and did a real good job about not eating it.

Then drove off into the night confident in our winnings, singing loud to the radio and in awe at the Wyoming stars. It's the luckiest I've ever felt.


"If we win, then this five hours was worth it. And if we don't win. . . . . . . . . . then it wasn't"



Before we left people kept telling us our odds of winning most likely they were attempting to validate their choice to not be spontaneous and fun.
But the way we see it- Someone has to win, and whoever wins their odds were the same as mine.

When I win, first item of business is I will have a life size painting of me painted with a plaque that reads "She is one in 2.5 billion" (Or whatever the odds are) and then hang it in the Capital building next to Abraham Lincoln.

Fingers Crossed.


Monday, January 11, 2016

Crystal Hot Springs.

On Saturday we tried to plug up the slide at Crystal Hot Springs. 
You have to wait 20 seconds between each rider and it is monitored by a half asleep high school boy at the top of the slide. There were no lights in the tubes and the night air provided a deep aqua hue in the tube. 
Our first run was unsuccessful, and I’m sure the high school kid was onto us. 

The second run we almost had a full chain stopped using all our mussels to resist the force of the water in the slippery tube. Drew was the caboose he was the last one left. We were all scared waiting for the impact of his body to slam into the back of the train. 

Non of us were prepared for what happened next. 

Drew’s body came screaming around the corner. I have never seen him so arrow dynamic, so slippery, so focused. He had turned his new gym body into a steel bobsled. The centripetal force of the slide shot drew up almost riding on the ceiling of the tube. And without touching any of us he surpassed us all and became the front runner. But as quick as he appeared he disappeared. Gaining a 10, 20 feet lead. 
It was a sight that is burned in my mind and something that I will never forget. 

Everything else;  Joey’s birthday, the boys all wearing pukka shells, the trashy people, the snacks, car ride dare or dare, the food, edan’s hair flower, it was all a footnote to what I saw in the tube that night. 

Beautiful.



Not the entire group, but close enough. . . . .



Saturday, January 9, 2016

Christian Bale Diet



I don’t know how it happened yesterday, but on one of Ryan and I’s rants we got on the topic of Christian Bale in the Movie “The Machinist” He has made his weight fluctuate tremendously over the past years for the different rolls he has played. Ryan, my crazed co-worker and I were fascinated with his transformation. He said he becomes obsessed with his ability to control his body. Loosing 63 pounds in a matter of months. He ate an apple and a can of tuna (and lots of coffee and cigarettes) every day for 4 months. 
Holly hell! Four months?? Then bulked back up a year later.



Ryan, being a bit of a nut dove into talk bout the science of it all. That the apple and the tuna are food that will boost your metabolism and keep up your protein, that way you don’t loose your muscle. 
Me- “How sure are you about all of this?”
Ryan- “One HUNDRED percent”

So that was it, Ryan and I are going on the Christan Bail Diet. Upon reading up on Christian bale we have discovered that he is a real jerk, we think this may be due to his diet yet still feel committed. 


Ryan and I have added some slight modifications. Each food choice was carefully selected after much debate and focus. 

Ryan’s daily diet will consist of one up of yogurt, an apple, a can of tuna, a green drink and all the coffee he wants. 

My diet will be  one cup of yogurt, an apple, a can of tuna, and two eggs with all the tea I want. 

Our exercise will not be cut short and is actually encouraged to increase, yet this is not part of the diet. 
Ryan thinks he can commit to two weeks. I will commit for 5 days and then reevaluate. (I don’t have a lot to loose here!)


We had co-worker Kristen take a before picture to document the process. Ryan thought the picture was pointless with us still wearing our clothes, I thought taking off our clothes at the office wouldn’t be socially acceptable:
(Kristen does not think this is healthy, co-worker James agrees. But since when do Americans care about healthy? in comparison this may be the healthiest thing I’ve ever done.)















This blog post will be written over a period of 5 days. Documenting what is is like to control your body, only give it the fuel it needs to skim by. In a chance to prove how strong our minds are, and have a glimpse of what celebrity life is really like. 

(Also this co-insides with a personal New Year's Resolution to eat out less then 4 times a week. It's a win, win)



Day One
10:30am Committing myself to Christian Bail diet after my morning oatmeal and honey. I’ll start at lunch today with one of the office apples. Feeling a bit nervous about the road ahead. 
I think I will leave at lunch to buy some cans of tuna, or maybe I will right after work, either way, I need to get tuna. 

10:49 Ryan just stopped by my desk, he is all hyped up on energy and I don’t know where it is coming from. He said he is brinking on obsession. I think he has had too much coffee. 

!0:56 Ryan stopped by my desk again with these two statements "I’m not going to lie, I’m a little bit hungry, I’m looking forward to that apple for lunch."
  "I’m directing my obsession in the right direction.” 

10:58 I break out some Mormon doctrine to Ryan and talk about how the Natural man is an emery to God. Ryan agrees and relates with a story of a body builder from Compton. 


Live chat stream at lunch time. (I got four invites to go to lunch, I’ve turned them all down)
3:30- Sales guys find an old yogurt expiring in April of 2015, we all pool our money together and pay James 40$ to eat it, he loathes yogurt and fruit, the combination kill him and he vomits in the trash as we all laugh. I feel bad for James but it in no way is making food look inciting. I'm truly blessed.



9:36 pm- I went and bought tuna and eggs after work, went to the gym and had plenty of energy. I got a text from Ryan that he went skiing after work and he seemed to be struggling, comparing himself to the homeless, but he choose not to eat his tuna before skiing and I think that was a huge mistake.
You live and learn. I'm going to bed happy knowing that I am in charge here.
Day one: Success


Day two:

It’s 2:27 and work is now beginning to slow down. 
OR is in town and we have had clients in and out of the office all day. I did a full spread for breakfast and then catered two lunches. 
Being around food all day and not being able to eat it. This is a bad idea. 
My body just needs to grow accustom to this little amount of food. 
I want my eggs and tuna so bad right now, the yogurt and apple were not enough. 



10:23pm. . . I have no energy to write this, I’m just happy I have nothing left to do today but lay in my bed. 
I went to the movie theater tonight, they did a special viewing of Sherlock Homes. The 4th season of the BBC Benedict Cumberbatch just premiered and they opened a theater at the Gateway to view it. To watch it on a big screen was amazing. But to be in a theater without popcorn, surrounded by popcorn was amazingly hard. I think popcorn is my favorite food. 

In the middle of the show I remembered I made some cookie dough at my Parents house on Sunday and I left the leftovers there, in this split second of remembering it I was so hungry for cookie dough and had to remind myself I was not eating it, and to stop thinking of food and enjoy the show. 

Day Three:
I carried crap into work from my car and it felt like I was climbing Everest. I didn’t get time to eat until 10:30 and it was really hard. 
It is now 2:41 and I surprisingly feel really great. Ryan claims he has lost ten pounds. 



7:30 I hate my life, after work Drew and I did our usual DI run and I was very unmotivated we went to smith’s after to arrange a Birthday cake for a friend and it was hard to stream together a thought. I got home and had no desire to do anything, I smashed my hard boiled egg in my pack of tuna and ate it in my room. 
All I can think about is food. 


Day four:
I woke up at 4:30, feeling refreshed and wanting to go to the gym. But I decided to lay there and analyze my dreams.  babies, trucks without back wheels, giving the leather needles to a long lost friend, hippies, being rude to hippies, the realization that I want kids, snowmobiles, dogs that are shedding beautiful blankets of fur, motorcycles. Crazy crap.
I forced myself to go back to sleep at 5:30 and then woke up at 7:30 feeling groggy. 

Ate my yogurt, then my apple at lunch and couldn’t take it any longer. I couldn't run the stairs at work without getting lightheaded, I would get distracted so easily by just the smell of food. I felt so empty physically and now emotionally.

This is not human!! I don’t know how Christian did it. 
Co-worker Dan came to my desk, he started to talk about what your body does when it goes into starvation mode. I’m not advertising to the office that I’m doing the Christian Bale diet, but Dan knew. And in my crazy stupor it all make sense. 

That was it. 
I walked with Ryan over to Spitz and we got some sweet potato fries. 


I’m done. I could never be a celebrity. I don’t know how he does it, maybe with expensive bits of crack Cocaine. Maybe smoking would help. I'll try it again when I have more money to toss on glamorous drugs. 

Ryan concluded that "There is no way to fix the fat gross America. " and that was about all he had to say.
We both have turned into idiots, so in the moment of him proclaiming this dumb realization I found it to be the smartest thing I had heard all day. "Yeah! There is NO HOPE for fat America!!"

Stupid.
The funny thing is though, is that I came home form work and grabbed a pack of tuna to eat.
-You would think I would be sick of it. . . I'm not, I think I have a huge appreciation for hard boiled eggs now too. They are so good.

Anywho, I thought this would become the new "Atkins" or "Gluten Free" then Ryan and I would write a book and make millions, but it's not going to happen. I wasn't made to make millions anyway. It's not for me. So in a way, I'm very lucky. 

Whiskey Mixer. .

In the mix of the Outdoor Retailer Event this week was the Wiskey Mixer, where they hand pick the coolest cats from the OR show and give everyone lots of Alcohol.  I was hired to take pictures of the event, I was flattered they would ask.

This is the picture of the night. . .

I don't know who either of these men are, but I do know he smelled like spiced whiskey and scotch.

Needless to say it was a brilliant night.











 Adult parties are more fun with alcohol.

 I think that's because we have all lost our childlike wonder. It's kinda sad. 

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Dozer

Ohh how I hate dogs.
Maybe that is not fair to say, I just hate when anyone/anything leaves saliva on my body, or hair.
Is that crazy? Am I crazy?

But the dog its self is actually quite lovable. I feel in love with Rainy. I feel in love with Unita so I guess my firm stance on hate for dogs is not very firm. But this weekend was my biggest dog mountain to conquer. Literally.

This is Dozer, 195 pounds of him. 

Poor little Dozer, he can't help but be terrible. It's just the way God made him, some people have a challenge of balding at a young age, some have large noses, or hands that are too small, for Dozer his cheeks can't contain the amount of saliva produced, his back legs are not attached to his brain and his hair falls out all day, everyday.

But it's not his fault, and maybe this giant creature was never meant to be domesticated. Maybe humans have messed up God's grand design once again. But then if you spend a day with him you will realize that this poor dog maybe wouldn't live without assistance.

So that's what I did, three days of assisting him.
He doesn't go up the carpeted stairs, so if he find himself in the basement you need to let him out the garage so he can run out and around the house to the back door.
He lays worthless in the snow spontaneously taking violent bites of the snow in-between his lazy spells.

But all he really wants to do is be your friend, it is quite cute, I would pull out his leash and we would take long walks around he would stay right by my side, pleased as punch to be out in the cold weather. He would wrestle me around in the snow head butting me and nipping at my hips. And wherever I walked in the house he was right at my side, wanting to see what I was reading or working on, wanting to watch the Dick Clark New Years countdown. Sitting right outside the door as I took a shower wanting me to be done showering. It's hard to not like a creature who loves you.

So apart from me being freaked out from noises of the house, it was a tolerable with a slight twist of pleasant that I got to watch him. I was happy to give Whitney and Mike the break.



When I told him to come inside I got this:
He loves the cold. 

Look how good he is to walk right at my side, I couldn't get enough of that.

That face, that poor slobbery cute face.

I bought him a bone for Christmas, he didn't care.


Cute Dozer, can't help but love him. 

Orton Christmas Card.


It was the classic conversation of "we haven't has a picture together for YEARS"
and then brain storming what to wear, where to take it, the boys rolling there eyes, RaVoe trying to stay up beat. 

Then I had a idea to spice things up a bit, take some absurd formal picture. 
I was surprised when everyone seemed to be on board with dressing up. Even Mike Doge was game. 

So I went on amazon and bought up some cheap dresses, I didn't want it to look like prom or a wedding, I wanted it to look slightly ridiculous with a fabulous vogue vibe. 

Drew's Dad had a tux that fit my dad, and we also rigged the theater, and gathered lots of clothes. 

The building across the courtyard form my office had a fabulous staircase and it was easy to find a find and borrow his building card to get in after hours. 

The dresses came in the mail and they were a mess. 
The suits on the boys were way too big and we sandwiched clipped the back of them to make them fit. Andie's dress was missing sequences and the zipper wouldn't zip. 

But if we placed everyone at the right angle, you couldn't tell. 

When we got into the building it was decked out for Christmas, so we took sometime to move the Christmas tree, get rid of the poinsettias and rig up some extra lighting. 

It was painless and fairly quick, we were impressed the dog even cooperated. RaVoe was off to a rocky start when Andie decked her out in more makeup then she normally wears, but once she was in the spotlight with her long red dress on it was hard to get her to tone down the inner celebrity that came out, she stole the show. 

The hardest part of the entire thing actually turned out to be the fight with Andie and my Mom about not posting the picture on any social media. It is SO HARD not to snap chat you entire life, am I right??

Just let people get the cards in the mail, let the charm of snail mail steal away people's hearts. 

Anywho, it was a great Christmas card, I was happy with how it turned out. 
Grandma in Ferron was convinced we took it in the Temple, and some reason that made me laugh real hard.

Merry Christmas, may your family be as fabulous as mine. . 
(Come over to RaVoe's if you want to see the 12x18 size framed on the mantle place)



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