Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Pants off.

I love this weird little room, a spot in this busy city that is mine.
Lately the light has been wildly golden for the hour after I get home from work and my entire room fills with particles of sunlight. So I took a picture, this is me everyday for about an hour after work, only difference is my pants are usually off and I'm sure I'm not as stunningly beautiful when I'm not posing for pictures. (but then again, maybe I am.)

What is not pictured is my chunky AC unit that is just on the other end of that window, and it has become my best friend, there are days where I even catch myself talking to it.
"You are so beautiful"
"Ohh, thank you"

I'm so sick of the heat, maybe because my water activity has been down this year, maybe because I am choosing to drive around a car with failing AC, but for whatever reason I'm thrilled for the Fall, maybe that is why I am so aware of the light, the sun is setting a bit sooner each night and I love it.

So I lay with my 29 blankets and 47 pillows and watch hulu while I fill that massive old scrapbook with thoughts and doodles. I have taken on a few small projects to keep me feeling creative and content and its working, I feel creative and content.

One day I won't be in this room any longer and another person will be in here walking around without pants on and I hope they love it as much as I do.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Babe Didrikson

I pull up to the golf course in my adorable car, the sun has been very hot but somedays I don't even feel it because I love driving it so much. Nothing compares to it, and daily people will tell me how cute it is, so when I pulled up to the clubhouse in my sweet summer ride it was as if I could have just gone to the bathroom and left and it would have felt like a day well spent.

But I didn't dive away. I met up with the gals from work for a little golf. We got carts and clubs and the entire 9 yards. I had never done it before and didn't know to wear cute little spandex skirts, so I dressed up like Babe Didrikson, and wore nylons and shoulder pads.

At one point I was in a river in my nylons laughing up a storm trying to get my ball back as it rolled down the river. Whitney fell out of the cart and took selfies, Deb was our go-to know it all on what clubs to use and Kelsey was our sass telling off the anyone who told us we were too slow, Alexis and I were along for the laughs and did our best to play an honest game.

9 holes in over three hours! Not bad, not bad at all.

I kept telling Deb that I knew why men golfed, it was so peaceful and beautiful, it was a great way to relax and while we did girl talk, I can see men talking about business deals and the nagging wife and the office affairs.

And if it wasn't for the annoying employees there treating us like children, it would have been a perfect day.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Bees Game

The past few posts on this thing are getting quite boring, this summer and these past few weeks have been a doozy.
So here is another boring one for ya. . . . let's hope things shake up soon. . . . .

It was the company party last night, we all went to a Bees game, I had about 50 tickets left over and thought it would have been hilarious to hand them out to the homeless and fill the stadium with Experts and homeless. I love the Experts so much, it always warms my heart to meet families. Some little offspring look and act just like the parents and it is so dang cute to me. Sometimes it is weird to think of the people I see going home from work to family.

With Drew absent so I flew solo, normally the two of us would try and say hello to everyone and make sure people where having fun, so I attempted to do it alone. Hovering from group to group and ultimately ending up with the drunk singles in the back row. I can't even tell you what color the jerseys were last night, I didn't even see the game, it was all talk, hot dogs and crackerjacks. But the sunset was packed full of summer vibes, and the purple mountains majesty were standing so tall and strong.

I drove my little convertible down, and that summer ride back to my apartment was the best, just me, baseball, my beautiful new car and America. It was drives like that that I imagined as I dreamt of owning her, it was a lovely night. Even without Drew, I still love my job.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

One Armed Girl.

Blind Pilot and Brandi Carlile at Deer Vally? Forget it, so lovely.
The heat of the summer disappears in the mountains and you get everything that is good about summer lingering behind, and then to add the voice of Brandi filling the sky, it really was quite perfect.

Friday, August 5, 2016

Tequila Mixer

Our company puts on a party to mix and mingle with clients/potential clients at the OR show.
They spend too much money and it is a great 4 hours where everyone gets tipsy, I guess showing everyone the fun, real side of our company.

Last night the party was quite wonderful with a live band in bow ties, red carpet, a mirrored island with fancy bartenders that were blowing fire. It was quite the show.

But my favorite part was they blew up the pictures I shot as the main attraction. My photos and expert stories huge on the walls. They looked so good, I'm sure no one knew I took them, but I did and it made me crazy happy. I've been so frustrated with the entire work instagram thing and me trying to contribute or have a voice and then feeling like an idiot for contributing. But last night was a good night. And after deciding I wasn't going to go, I threw on a dress and went for the last half hour and was so glad I did, just in time to dance and play with everyone who had already gotten tipsy. Then leave.

I'm sad these crappy pictures don't do it justice, I took them during the set up so the room wasn't quite put together. I may try and find better pictures later.

I am amazing.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Pie and beer.

I had no place to put this photo, Ravoe took it and then didn't post it. So here is to remember a great day. And I second Whitney's speech when I say I'm happy I never had to go on trek, what a joke.

Thursday, July 28, 2016


You believe that creating your best possible life is a matter of deciding what you want and then going after it, but in reality, you are psychologically incapable of being able to predict what will make you happy. 

I read that line in an article this morning as I sat in my office chair at 7:30am trying to get a head start on a tough day, and it hit my heart with an element of truth. I live a happy life, I think it is just the way I am programed, I love every stupid thing. But it really is hard to shape a life in the way you thought it would turn out when you were a child, day dreaming about one day driving a car, or getting married, or whatever it is that one thinks about. The things religion or society teaches us, as a blanket statement, a check list of things that will make you happy. Money, Love, Family. And as my life molds more and more into something I didn't think it would become, it is almost comical that it still catches me by surprise.

It's Drew's last day at Experticity. We are headed out to breakfast to say goodbye in a bit. It caught him by surprise and has left him quite sad. That, among other things have sent me for a mini world wind. I wish I had more of the ability to roll with the punches and not get so emotionally attached to people, to events, to ideas and plans. But it is a bit of a catch 22 because it is also one of the things I love about myself, not living a flat lined life. Living a life bursting in color and high emotion.

I think about the sad day when we closed Macaroni Grill, all my little servers and cooks that I had trained and worked with and yelled at, and fell in love with, standing there very solemn with big tears in their eyes, not knowing what life would give them next and feeling hopeless. I thought I would be there forever, we all kind of did. But now Experticty has and been such a good thing for me, and as I hear stories about what happened to all those employees, we are fine. Most of us are in a bester position then we were before. So I can't help thinking the idea that change is good. Drew and life, they have the same hunger, the same sucker-punch. In the end neither him nor I can predict the life that will made either of us happy.

But I will miss him terribly, with every ounce of me.

Monday, July 25, 2016

The Red Boot Leader

I've been listening to a lot of Enrique, and playing a lot of Pokemon this weekend. I spent 3 hours by myself in the city hunting Pokemon. I packed a dinner, and walked up a storm.

That sounds really geeky, and I really don't even care. Walking around the city after the heat of the day is beginning to die is a pure delight, and it sure beats the my normal alone activities of netflix with my pants off. I talked to a few people here and there, some young guys giving me tips on throwing my poke balls for a better catch, or where I can go to get a (I forgot the name, it was something cool). I still am so weirded out by this game, weirded out by technology and GPS and clouds and whatever. But really it was great to put in some music and walk, and then lay on the grass and have nothing to do but get up and wonder around again. All over memory grove, the mall, the square, the library and I even made it clear out to the commentary. Cleared my mind, then filled it with new worries, then cleared it again. According to my Pokemon eggs I walked over 15k, that's kinda nuts.

Friday night I went out with some girls from work, they ditched their husbands and kids and I ditched Pokemon and we all went to the Westerner. RaVoe told me later that The Westerner has been there forever, and my Grandpa use to dance there. . What?
I forgot how great I am at Country two-step, at one point I was perfectly upside-down with the only thought in my head being "Point your toes!" I was whipped and dipped and twirled and just found myself screaming most of the night. The guys there are a little grubby, a little drunk, but have moves like evil jungle cats. And hell if my heart doesn't skip a beat when they use that cowboy charm and treat a lady right. It really was such a great time, I can't stop thinking about it. We were the cutest girls there and guys were lining up to buy us drinks.

At the end of the night, when we were regretting the the poor shoe selections we had made and our hair could hide no more sweat, a jumpy little black man appeared on the dance floor. You could tell he knew how to dance, but country was out of his vocabulary. But he gave it his all moving so fast around the dance floor filling up any free space with his energy. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him it was so comical. He seemed to be only 5 feet tall, but his afro added another 4 inches, his arms in full motion, and his face so incredibly happy. It was the cherry on top of such a weird evening. I tried to jump in, we all did. But no one could hold a candle to him.

At one point a guy who had a sweaty slip-n-slide back from the nights adventures said to me "You seem like someone who has to dance to get out energy" and I just looked at him and said "You have no idea"

So I'm all reset! I got my pokemon/alone time and then my energy out on the dance floor! It's like I'm an entire new women, and I still have one weekend day left. Hot Damn!

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Hey Moon!

I am constantly curious when I see people who smoke. Why? After all we know about smoking, they still choose to light up.
But at night when you are driving behind someone and they flick their cigarette bud out the window and the ambers crash against the pavement and dance across the road, I love that. I don't know why.

Maybe that is why they smoke, to throw that out the window is just as satisfying as watching it from the car behind.

Last night, that happened to me as I made my way down the canyon, I had the windows down and this warm summer air was swirling all around me, spotify premium is the best thing to happen to me and with my 'Guilty pleasure' playlist I was screaming loud to Jessie McCartny. The full moon was last night and I somehow always find myself under it. Just me and the Moon swimming in that beautiful mountain summer air, racing down the canyon.

God bless Utah Summer nights, they will always hold so much magic.

Unrelated picture, but it has been blowing my mind and I wanted to save it on my blog.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Will you Accept this Rose?

Drew tells me guys like big butts, and that mine is nothing. I purchased a padded butt at GenX, for a ratchet birthday party at some trashy clubs. I had gold hoop earings and the entire thing, I looked amazing. But that is not the point. 
The point is I own a padded butt. Drew thinks I should wear it all the time, that it is a great improvemnet. Drew also likes big sassy black laddies so it is hard to take his advice. 

But yesterday was an occation to bring out the butt. 

I tried out to be on the Bachelor. There is an enitre fleet of people at the office who love the show, I’ve been to girl parties to watch it, I’ve laughed heated conversations about who is the better suiter. So about 5ish months ago the idea got planted that I need to get on the show. We discussed boob job appointments, how to cry without looking ugly, what my angle would be, 

So when the casting call announced that they were talking a stop in Salt Lake City, I knew this was the time to shine. 
It snuck up on me, so there was no time to get the boob job, I text my hair gal the day before and she didn't have any openings. Crap. I guess my charisma would be the thing that I flaunt!

I showed up to work and the Client Success girls helped me get ready, and were NOT impressed with my high heel selection. I did a fashion show for the finance team and then my padded butt and I were off!

I got to trolly square and the parking was shockingly easy. As I walked around I thought, is this right? did I miss something? But was reassured when I found a sign.

I entered a building to find a large, mostly empty room with about 30 girls in it. Everyone all did up under layers and layers of the cutest makeup! On a stage was Michelle Money giving advice to all.
"I'm going to tell you right now. . . Producers HATE gum!"

I swallow my gum.

Then the DJ gets on the mic "I'm going to be your DJ for the evening! Pumping out your requests!!"
All the girls were filling out their applications, I already had mine, I spell checked it and everything 'Um, is there any man that you have that would appreciate organization and preparedness???! I'm right here!' So I was shown over to a spot to take my picture holding my name on a white board like a criminal's mug shot. Then I sat down and while I sat I knew I had to talk to Michelle Money, it was too good not to talk to her.

She was happy to talk, I asked if I could get a picture (the girls at the office and I had a group text going and I had to report second by second what was going on)

Michelle had to get the lighting right, and she wanted to take the picture, it was so great. Our pic looks TOTS cute.

Then I sat back down just in time for a frumpy lady to come over and say "Ok, we'll take you six" and there we all went off to our destiny in our heels down this long marble hall way. You could barely talk over all of our shoes. We got to a big room that had been sectioned off into little rooms with tall black curtains.
I was directed to the curtain room on the far right where I got a mic clipped on me and sat for a video interview.
"Tell me about yourself"
"Tell me about your past relationship"
"What are your hobbies?"

I found myself nervous talking, to the point that I had forgot the questions. Talking about things that were stupid and didn't really relate to their questions, as I was talking I knew I was being stupid, but I'm sure they found it nothing less then adorable.

Then the lady behind the camera says "Ok. . . . now I'm just going to get a full body shot" and she starts to scoot the camera back. Well if things weren't all ready bad I made them bad, I asked "Oh! wellllll, how does my full body look??" She didn't really respond and asks "Can you stand up?"
Ah Hell, ok. So I stand, but don't know how to stand to show off the 'full body' so I start squirming about striking different poses, over the shoulder, messing with my hair, then I went to show off the butt, without looking like I was showing off the butt. But it was like she was focusing the camera or something I was getting no feed back and it felt like she was taking forever, so the posing started to get weird. I remember at one point I was crouched down with two pop-eye arms (Tight fists arms away from body at 90 degree angles) It was weird, I know it was, I can see that now.
Then she says "You can just stand still"
"Oh, yeah, yeah, cool"

. . . . and that was it, with a "Thanks McKay! it was good to meet you!" I was walking out.
A weird older lady with way too much eye shadow on gave me a weird goodie bag as I walked out the door.
And I asked her "So, did I get a rose??"
And she said "They will contact you if they are interested"

20 min, in and out and my life will be forever changed. So I'm real excited, I've been keeping my phone charged and close. I think I'm on the path to love!!!! I've messed up everything else, maybe I just need a TV reality show, with the entire world watching to help me make the RIGHT choice, ya know? I just can't be left to my own choice, it had proven to be nothing but heart ache.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Cheers To The Governor!

The entire 4th of July weekend I only took one photo (Apart from weird firework pictures that didn’t quite turn out, and the one photo I took with a film camera)

It was of my food, I remember being really happy to eat it, and I think that is why I pulled out my phone. 
A cold cucumber soup from the food trucks, and for a hot July day it was delightful.

I went to Bend Oregon where 15 friends rented a house. I’ve never been to Bend before and was surprised to see it more desert-y then one would imagine Oregon to be, dry with big tall evergreens. Every house is charming as hell and they have a fun little downtown with these breweries and mountains that had names and stories. But the best part of that place is the river. This large slow moving river that cuts the downtown in half, and on the 4th of July weekend everyone, EVERYONE floats it. It turns into the friendliest game of bumper cars, everyone meshed together moving along with the ducks. The bottom of the river is 4 inches of beautiful mud and grass that your toes get lost in. And if you weren’t on the river you were hanging off a bridge over the river, dropping beer to your friends. It was alive and wild, our group had a raft that we called the living room, it fit 10 people on one tube it was incredible and scary at the same time when we all in a cluster had to fit under the a low bridge.
As the river turned to enter the down town all along the shoreline were houses that were filled with so much beauty. Little paths that would bring you to a deck right on the water, sitting areas in grassy nulls, outdoorbeds in gazebos, homes with big widows that lookout to the lake, each home a different shape and color and packed full of money. It was delightful, there is nothing better then floating a river in July, and I can’t think of a river more beautiful then the Deschutes. 

Then it was food and more food and games and fireworks, every year the hill in Bend catches fire and this year was no different, in two spots it lit up with massive flames from the low fireworks. God Bless America. 

Other highlights include-

-not knowing if I was a child or an adult
-after dementrating some sick soccer skills in the park, I got asked if I played soccer in High school, I had fooled them all
-necks that smell like hotdogs. 
-Breakfast sandwiches 
-5 hour potao salad
-"Stand up straight, suck it in!!"
-The taylor swift swan
-Food trucks in the middle of nowhere Ontario
-PTSD (What the shit?)
-Flat tire

I have been told that pictures would get back around to me, but who knows if they will, and who knows if this weekend actually happened? I have no proof that it did. Maybe it was all a really great dream. 
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